The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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