you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
