About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
there is glitter all over my balls
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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