I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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