i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
