Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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