I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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