my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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