i just wanna soil my oats bro
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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