her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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