I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
