Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
