you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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