I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
