i love accidental penises.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
