I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
