Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
