thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
