I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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