Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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