you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
