fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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