I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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