ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i think i have two assholes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
