Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
