is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i drank out of a bidet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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