I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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