My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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