U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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