Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
