She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
