he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I supernannyed him into submission
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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