Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
