Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
