not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
