yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
