i may or may not be watching the land before time
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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