Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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