I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
