Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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