"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
