Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
