he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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