so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
