I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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