he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will pee on everything he values.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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