I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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