she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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