I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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