I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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