Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
