why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
