I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
