We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
