everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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