Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
