k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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