dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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