i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
