I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
