I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
