why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
