oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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