If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
