i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
