New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
