he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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