He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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