Where is the hickey?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
