her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need water and some morals
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
