My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize