and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
