His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
