Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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