You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
