an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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