Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
