he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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