Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The struggles of a small town man whore
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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