You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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