I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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