the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
