The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
