can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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