No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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