But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
