Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
