Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
