she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
