lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
