We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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