You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
