I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
