We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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