who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
