She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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